I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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