I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
