He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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