i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
