you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
