Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
