Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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