My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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