my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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