just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
