Please, let me fuck your mom
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
