so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
