why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
