we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize