all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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