You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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