If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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