Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
