An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
