i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
