Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
