OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
