i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
