I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
