First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
