well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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