Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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