I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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