youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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