What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
