batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
