he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
