Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
