Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
