She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
