It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.