He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
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Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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