I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
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So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months