i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall