My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i dont even know how to be here
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
