I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so let's talk penis.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god