Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have peed in a lot of sinks
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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