I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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