Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
