I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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