update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's shark week go big or go home
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
