giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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