Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
