Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
