i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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