There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
