I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
