after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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