either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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