I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
