I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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