Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
