he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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