We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize