I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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