the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
