glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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