Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
