Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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