Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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